Archive for June, 2009
I guess it’s about time for an update post from me, since all you’ve gotten from me since I moved to my own domain has been business related. Sorry. It’s consuming most of my life right now. And that’s a good thing! ;o)
So, where I am. Let’s see. I spent the last two or three years in a fairly bad depression. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I had too many days where I would cry for hours. That’s not normal. Nor is struggling to do daily tasks. Nor is wanting to cease to exist. Don’t misunderstand… I didn’t want to hurt myself. I just didn’t want to be anymore. Circumstantial, chemical, spiritual… whatever it was, fun it was not.
That combined with my anxiety disorder was just too much. I finally, after fighting it for years, asked my doctor for something to help. She prescribed an SSRI that gave me horrible dyspepsia, so we switched to a different one that also gave me horrible dyspepsia. But I kept taking it anyway, and it eventually started to go away. So did some of the misery. The dyspepsia is actually back, but the depression is not.
I didn’t think it was working, though Dustin thought it was. Then one day I woke up, took a shower, and as I got out of the shower it dawned on me that I felt more emotionally stable than I have in months. Maybe years. Just… steady. Maybe not super happy, but like feel good in your soul stable. Like maybe things aren’t so horrible and maybe I can continue to be. I felt hope for the first time in years. I even had a few giddy days where I was a little hyper and nutty. At first I was worried that I was turning manic or something, but then I remembered… nope, I’m a little hyper and nutty naturally. I had just lost that. I had been drowning under a huge sea of ick. Then that one day came and I got out of the shower, and most of the ick had been washed away.
I still deal with the extreme anxiety. I still have panic attacks when I’m triggered. But I’m dealing with them better at least half of the time. I can’t turn off the record player in my head that’s full of negative thoughts/worries. I’ll have to go to counseling for that (and plan to one of these days), but I feel more calm overall.
So that’s me. That’s where I am. I’ll update you on the adoption in my next post (but don’t get too excited).
They picked my Initial Here – Hand Stamped Custom Font Letter Necklace.
This is a very good thing. So happy! Chocolate for all!
Welcome to my new blog domain!
I spent entirely way too much time designing my theme, but for now I’m very happy with it. I hope you enjoy it too!
That will be my new blog name, on my very own domain.
Just as soon as I figure out all the hosting/moving/fixing/pulling my hair out. Which means it might be a few years.
But for now, the domain is mine. Sorry to all my bloggy buds who helped me pick a name way back in September. I went with my own suggestion! Boooo, Crystal. Baaaad, Crystal! You’ll forgive me, right? *grin*
Of course, I haven’t been blogging all that much, so it may be a waste of money. But maybe actually paying for it will help me get my butt in gear. I guess we’ll see!
I’d like to start collecting children’s books. I love Dr Seuss and loved reading them when I was little.
What were your favorites? What are your children’s favorites?
She’s an elephant.
Yes, this Horton is a she. (Notice all the purple.)
I don’t think our Horton has heard a Who. Or a What. Or a Why, for that matter. But she has a Where, and that Where is at our house. In our nursery. On the new dresser – that took me months and months to pick – and will belong to our future-adopted-child-to-be. (No, we do not have any news.)
(Dustin named her, by the way.)
Horton joined our little family a long time ago. She came to us from a cute little Etsy shop. I’m sure I bought her for a baby gift, but for some reason or other did not give her away. I ended up buying something else for the gift, and I don’t remember What it was, or for Whom it was even bought. So Horton still resides in our little home, on her very own little Where, just waiting to make a friend.
Hopefully our future little Who will love her.
Here is an excellent blog post on open adoption.
And another one by the same person on what it is not.
There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding open adoption. I know I had several myself going into the process. In fact, I was uncomfortable with it at the beginning of our journey, but just a little ways in I totally had a change of heart and desire it 100%.
Good posts. Read ’em!