Archive for May, 2008
We have big stuff coming up very very soon in regards to our adoption, and my nerves are not treating me so nicely. I’m skerrd, I’m skerrd, I’m SKERRD. If you think of us, please pray. 🙂 I’ll write more about it later.
We turned in just about all of our paperwork last night along with our first fee. The local director person came to meet us and pick it all up at the last minute. We’ve talked extensively over the phone and she’s very nice so it was good to finally meet in person. Dustin and I had to write autobiographies following an outline that was given to us. I figured I’d get, oh, a page and a half maybe… but oooh no. It ended up being almost four full pages. Dustin’s was that long too. I guess we had a lot to say. 🙂 This is a good thing, since the more info we give them up front, the shorter our homestudy interviews will have to be. Now that our paperwork has been turned in, our homestudy should be scheduled pretty soon. It will take probably around 4 hrs total for us, but the paperwork itself will probably take a few weeks to be completed and approved and all. Once we’re approved, we get to write a BIG, FAT CHECK (I don’t even want to think about that number right now) and wait for a birth family to pick us.
I did not know this until last night, but they wait until the birth mother is just about due before they show her the adoptive families that are potential matches for her. So apparently, when we get a call saying we’re picked, if all goes smoothly from there, we will be parents within a few weeks. Weeks! It makes sense that they do it this way since until she has signed off on the paperwork (which, in Texas, cannot happen until at least 48 hrs after birth), the birth mom can change her mind at anytime. She is counseled throughout her pregnancy (or at least for as long as she has been in contact with the agency) so by the time they show the profiles, they are usually pretty certain they are making the right choice, but of course, some do change their minds. We will get a child that is more than likely a week old or less… probably 3-4 days old.
Very soon, we will have to start looking for a pediatrician and also start buying things for the nursery because you know, we only have a crib (sans mattress). I guess we will have to go with a gender neutral thing mostly since we will not have much time for things once we get that call.
There is so much stuff, and it’s all so overwhelming, but right now I just need to make it through Monday. One day at a time… one day at a time. I’m very very very much looking forward to Monday. If I survive until then, it’s all good.
You’ll never guess what I found this afternoon as I opened the door to let the dogs in from a potty break.
Trixie (formerly “good dog” now renamed “crazy dog” – still laughing over that photo by the way. I have NO IDEA how I caught that look… it was a one in a million shot!) with her cute, little white furry head buried in my row of green bean plants. Chick-dog was chowing down, people. I’m not sure I could have been more angry if the dog was chewing on an $800 pair of shoes (no, I do not own any $800 shoes in case you were wondering). My green beans. MY green beans! Ding dang dog eating my green beans that we worked so hard to grow.
*Insert smoke-blowing-out-the-ears smiley face here*
After I yelled loud enough to disturb the entire southern Texas area, I refrained from throwing her out into the street with a “will work for food – oh wait, I’ll just steal it” sign taped to her chest. She ran inside with a green bean plant stem hanging from her mouth. Now, I used to think she just took after me with her love for veggies. Seriously, these dogs love raw carrots and cooked taters and broccoli as much as they love meat. But for real yo, as veggie-loving as I am, I’ve never eaten a green bean stem.
I can hear her now, digging in her blanket in the living room, snorting. But I know she’s really laughing. She had the best lunch ever and totally got away with it.
I should have known it was a bad idea to feed them a few fresh, raw green beans the other day as a treat. Ding dang dog-mom.
I’m talking about chocolate, of course. Brownies, to be more specific. Who doesn’t love a good brownie? Rich, moist, chocolaty. If they’re made well, they’ve got to be one of the yummiest desserts.
I have been on the quest to find the perfect brownie recipe for quite some time. I wanted something that used cocoa instead of chocolate squares because I love cocoa, it’s easy to keep on hand, and I always have it. It seems like a lot of recipes out there call for the squares. That’s just not my “thang”.
I tried a ton of recipes. Either the brownies came out too gooey, too dry, too flour-y or too something else that wasn’t quite what I was after.
Then I picked up a little recipe booklet of my mom’s (you know the kind – the ones that just BEG you to buy them while you’re trying to put your groceries on the checkout thingamabop) and found it. The recipe. The brownie recipe to end all brownie recipes.
It’s easy. It’s rich. It’s yummy. My husband says they’re the best brownies we’ve ever made, and I tend to agree with him. They actually taste better than the box mix, which to me is difficult to achieve because box mix brownies are actually good (as opposed to most other boxed food – Amy’s organic macaroni and cheese notwithstanding, which just so happened to be my dinner last night, thank you!).
The recipe is originally designed to make a dry mix (equivalent to 4 pans of brownies) you make up and keep in your pantry, ready to add to your wet ingredients whenever you are ready. I have not done that yet. I’ve just been quartering the recipe and making one batch at a time. They’re good enough though, that I’m thinking that making the mix would not be such a bad idea. I’ll give you the whole recipe, then give it to you quartered so you don’t have to do the math.
Here it is, the recipe for The Best Brownies EvAR. Try them. They’re good.
4 cups all purpose flour (or whole wheat pastry flour if you’re a freak like me)
1 1/2 tablespoons baking powder (NOT baking soda, Crystal… NOT BAKING SODA)
1 tablespoon salt
5 cups sugar
2 cups cocoa (we love the Special Dark cocoa for these – yumm!)
2 cups shortening (or organic virgin coconut oil if you’re afraid of shortening like me – plus it just tastes gooood)
Mix all but the shortening/coconut oil in a large bowl (or your Kitchenaid mixer if you’re cool like me). Cut in the shortening with two knives or pastry blender or a fork or whatever other kitchen device you have that you think might work here (Or if you’re using coconut oil, the Kitchenaid does a fine job all by itself – I have no clue if it will work with shortening as well because, well, it’s scary bad for you and I just don’t buy it!) until mixture is crumbly. You can store this for up to six weeks in an airtight container… it should make 12 cups of mix.
To make brownies:
3 cups brownie mix
3 large eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract (I like double strength – because, well, it’s just good stuff)
2 cups (12 oz) semisweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional, unless you’re in my house where they’re not allowed in brownies… *big, loud sigh*)
1/4 cup water
Mix all ingredients and pour (though it’s sort of thick to “pour” – shmear would be a better word here) into a greased 9 inch square pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 35 minutes. (I think my square pan is 8 inches, so I have to cook it a little longer than it says unless I want brownie soup. I’m sure that appeals to some people, but not to this salmonella-fearing-germ-freak.) Cool and, well, eat. Or don’t cool and eat warm. Or package them up and send them to me (so long as they don’t have shortening, you know). The choice is yours, really. I’ll leave it up to you since I’m a nice person. But to be honest, I think your best bet is to just send them to me.
If you want to make just one pan at a time, mix the following amounts of the “mix” ingredients and then add in the rest of the stuff from the above list.
1 cup flour
1 1/8 teaspoon baking powder
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup cocoa
1/2 cup shortening (coconut oil!!!)
I’d show you a photo of these luscious (sorry, Bethany, but they are) goods, but alas, they are so good that they are so gone. Maybe I’ll catch one next time. I know I’ll be making these often.
Once upon a time, we adopted a really beautiful dog. All white and fluffy and full of personality, was this little shih-tzu mutt. We found her at the pet store, where a local shelter was adopting out their small dogs and puppies. She caught our attention, this little white and tan ball of fur, as she spun around in circles chasing her tail in her crate.
Sweet as can be, the wonderful little creature captured our hearts. She grew to be a nurturing and loving little girl, watching over and caring for her little “sister” and always anxious to jump on Dustin’s lap and welcome him home after a hard day’s work.
Her favorite days were when “gramma” and “grampa” came over to see her. She’d show off and love on them and be as happy as a little dog could be. She’s never met a stranger. If you move and breathe, she’d be your friend.
She was the best dog a gal could ask for… until today.
Dog-chick snapped, y’all.
My sweet little Trixie turned into a… a… well, I don’t know what. A crazy canine? A demented doggy? You tell me.
Because I, of course, just so happened to capture the incident on film (or disc, as it were).
But funny? Oh heck yeah. I laughed until my stomach hurt. Poor Trixie.
Poor crazy little Trixie.
This is a copper pendant made with a fold-forming technique. Actually, I don’t really know much about fold-forming. I just sort of winged it, but it came out mostly how I imagined. I’ve seen some really neat things made with fold-forming. From a funky piece like mine to something really unique such as metal origami! Now that is cool.
Dustin says it looks like it went through someone’s intestine. LOL A jewelry buddy called it “edgy”. I think “edgy” sounds better than “digested”, don’t you? ;o) Either way, it’s definitely different. Sometimes I like to go outside my little box. But not for long. I’ll hop back on the symmetrical bandwagon really soon. I promise.
The second photo shows the pendant hanging on one of those new black steel chokers. They have nickel-free (not sterling, sorry!) magnetic clasps.
I have gotten a few questions related to jewelry lately, but instead of replying in the comments I thought I’d make a new post for them.
Catherine asked if some of my new pendants would make it to the Etsy shop. Yep! I can put any of them in there… just let me know what you’re interested in. I need to price them and probably re-photograph them (which is why they’re not there yet) but I can certainly do that.
Heidi asked how I design my jewelry. Each piece is different, really. I get inspiration from all sorts of things… art, nature, the materials themselves, jewelry I see people wear on tv. It’s surprising sometimes what gets my wheels turning. 🙂 I don’t usually sketch something out before I do it, but some things I do. For some items, I’ve drawn out templates so I can easily remember the exact dimensions of the pieces for easier reproduction. I used to be bad about this, so when I would have to remake something, I’d go nuts trying to remember the exact dimensions! Not a good thing. 🙂
Sometimes I see a gemstone or other component and know exactly what I want to do with it, but other times it takes me months to find the right match. This stuff has a mind of its own too. I’ve sat down to make one thing and the wire and metal and stones or what have you decided they wanted to be something else instead. There are also some pieces I just can’t let go yet! For example, I have a gorgeous strand of absolutely perfect chocolate brown freshwater pearls. I’m not usually big on pearls myself, but these, man, all I want to do is stare at them… no sharesies! *giggle*
Of course there are things that have been around for decades if not centuries. Chain maille weaves, basic metalsmithed items, certain types of wire wrapping… it really is true that there is nothing (or at least very little) new under the sun.
I hope that was interesting to read. I love talking about jewelry, so feel free to ask more questions. 🙂
I had a realization the other day. Without going into details, our infertility is a little complicated. It’s not something we fully understand. In talking to the doctor, I think she was surprised to know that at this point I’m not sure I care anymore. For the first time in a long time, it feels like we’re on the right track here. I want our soon to be adopted baby. I love it already. It’s probably not even conceived, and I already love it. I have no idea what it will look like, where it will come from, what nationality it will be… but it’s mine and I am attached. There is no way I want to give it up, even if it meant we could have a biological child in its place. This kid is already mine. It just doesn’t know it yet and will be renting a place to live for 9 months until it finds its forever home.
Getting pregnant is just simply not important to me anymore. At all. Which is a huge deal for me because I was in love with the idea for so long. Don’t get me wrong. If God decided to perform a miracle (which is what it would take – an honest to God true 100% miracle – not what some people call a miracle either – we’re talking water into wine/healing the blind type thing here) I’m sure I would be thrilled. But I just don’t care. I’m actually thrilled now that I won’t be pregnant. No stretch marks. No morning sickness. I could go on, but I’ll spare you. Not that I think those things aren’t worth the prize at the end… but our adoption journey has a grand prize too that is just as worthy and to be honest, to me, a little more special in a way. This journey is hard. But I know it’s meant for us. There are still things that could fall through and stop this particular leg of our journey, but even if that happens, I know the journey will be completed somehow because… well… I just know. I bought a crib, after all, and it has to be filled somehow.
The hardest part of this ordeal is the total and utter lack of control I have over certain things. I will have no say what happens to our baby during and right after birth. I also do not have the option of breastfeeding. Sure, adoptive mothers can do it, but it’s not something I am willing to try at this point because I do not feel it would be healthy for me since I already struggle in the weight department. I’m sure many people will think less of me for not trying, but oh well. This is something I’ve put a lot of thought into and I just know that at this point, for this adoption, I need to give up that dream and do the best I can otherwise. Perhaps if we adopt again, I will try it.
These are the things I struggle the most with right now… stuff I can’t control. I’m a control freak, and it drives me nuts. Two years ago I had very strong feelings as to what would happen to my child during and after birth and how my child would be fed. It’s almost funny now (if not frustrating) to realize how sometimes God throws you curve balls and what you previously knew to be best is not so much anymore.
Well, one of you did.
I managed to get most of the blood off without rubbing, so I took another photo. Do you know how hard it is to take a photo of your own arm with a huge, heavy camera? I’ve figured out that my autofocus stinks for taking photos of 4.5mm red/purple spots on my arm (YES, I’m measuring! I’m paranoid I’ll get a false positive!), and it’s pretty much impossible to use manual focus while photographing your own arm.
So anyway, for those (the one?) of you who want(s) to see it, click here. The blood and bright red line is where the needle was. The red/purple round spot is where the bubble was.
I had my toxin injection today (sorry, Bethany, not botox). No, I have never had one before. I was home schooled through 8th grade and then went to a very tiny (VERY tiny) Christian school for high school and it was never required. It wasn’t even required when I went to college. So I guess I read it wrong and it’s not the actual toxin, but an antigen. Or something. I don’t know. All I know is I don’t like foreign matter injected into me, nor do I like things taken out of me that belong in me (such as blood). I’m a firm believer in the fact that if God had wanted my blood in vials, He would have put it there Himself instead of inside my body… where it keeps me alive.
Thankfully, according to my doctor, my “blood work was so good last year” that I did not have to have a work up this year. Go me! I’m actually shocked at this since I’ve sort of lost some weight since last year. I had gained 6 lbs, then I lost it all. I can’t tell you how frustrating that is. #(*&#*($^&*@#$(*#@&$ is all I have to say about that. I tried to get her to prescribe me some calorie pills, but she insists they don’t exist. I think she’s holding out on me.
Have I told you how much I like my doctor? I really do. She’s nice and thorough and puts up with my quirks very well (just like my dentist, who I also love – it’s true – despite the fact that I freak out whenever I have to visit either). However, she’s leaving the practice at the end of next month. I’m hoping she’ll move to another place in town so I can stick with her, otherwise I’ll have to find someone else and I don’t think that will be so easy. Before she leaves, I’ll be visiting her at least once for acupuncture.
People. I was shaking over a tiny TB anti-whatever needle injection. And I’ll be getting acupuncture. Lots of little needles. All over. Left in me for several minutes. While I watch. Does anyone see a potential problem here?
For some reason, my doctor laughs when I visit her. I can’t imagine why. It’s not like I’m funny or anything. I mean, all I did was ask her if my salivary gland was going to kill me, or if a dermatological cream would kill me if I accidentally forgot to wash my hands after using it and before eating (if you know me at all, you’d know that this scenario is impossible), what she was listening to when she put the stethoscope up to my belly (who knew it gurgles all the time? I mean, listening to belly gurgles isn’t exactly normal behavior, you know…), and make the connection between my phobias and all the problems in the entire world. We decided that if we can somehow fix my anxiety issues, we can bring peace to the middle east. I know it’s true. She agreed. And laughed. It’s a good thing I didn’t tell her I locked myself in the bathroom… naked. I’m sure that caused some kind of planetary shift that we just haven’t yet found. I don’t think Lexapro can fix stupid.
The dentist laughs at me too. I just can’t figure it out…
So back to my toxin/not-toxin injection. It was a lot less scary than I expected. Not that I’d want to do it again, but it didn’t hurt that much. I even watched for a couple of seconds (but not for long because, seriously, who enjoys watching their skin bubble up? I mean, ewe.). The nurse that works there is really cool. He’s an older gentleman and quite funny. I have to have my arm bubble “read” on Thursday, but he says that I can just send my arm. I don’t actually have to show up myself. Good to know, man-nurse. Good to know.
Because my arm? Phobia free.
It might be phobia free (and now, mostly bubble free) but it sure isn’t bruise free. I bruise at the drop of a… needle? I should have taken a picture when I had my blood work done last year. You would have sworn someone punched me, hard. Even this little needle left a bruise. I’m also very clumsy, so really, I’m never bruise free. I promise no one beats me (unless door jambs and the dog gate count).
I took a picture of my toxin/non-toxin arm bubble bruise. But I’ll spare you. I can only “dab it, not rub it” so it has crusty blood on it, and no one likes crusty blood. Even I’m not sick enough to blog about that.