Archive for 2007

… and it isn’t me!

This one just had to see what I was doing…

So the party did not go as well as I was hoping. Most people who said they were coming did not show. We had a few sales, so it wasn’t a total bust, but I am a bit discouraged. We spent so much time over the past couple weeks and we stayed up so late preparing on Friday night!

I’m dreading the show tomorrow. I don’t know what to expect, and I hate being stuck in large crowds of people. I wish I had a valium. I’ve never taken valium that I know of, but I wish I had some right now.

On a positive note, my camera arrived safely on Friday afternoon, a few days earlier than I was expecting. I haven’t had much time to play with it yet, but I did play with it for a bit yesterday. I took some pictures of our set up so we’d remember how to set up at the show tomorrow. They came out alright, but being indoors I used the flash, and all I have at the moment is the camera’s pop up flash, and flash and mirrors and jewelry don’t make for great photos. I really need to figure out what settings work best for what lighting. That would help! It’s so fast though. The autofocus is super fast, and the time lag between photos is so short. It feels heavy in my hands, like a real camera should! *grin* And that “click” sound when it takes a photo. *happy sigh* How did I ever live with a point and shoot?

On an even better note, today is our 7th wedding anniversary. I love you, honey!

(No, I do not know French. I had to ask my highly intelligent and adorable husband how to write out “part two” in French. He’s so smart.)

I’ve been working overtime lately, and I’m pooped. This isn’t everything, but several pieces of eye candy for you to feast upon (including the one that gave me nightmares!). *grin* As always, click photos to enlarge.

Smoky quartz wire wrapped briolettes and sterling silver disc earrings:

Textured sterling rectangles:

Sterling teardrop & flower pendant:

Textured circle necklace:

And finally, a flower. Bloggy friends, this thing HAUNTED me. I wasn’t sure I would be able to finish it with my wimpy torch. So I bought a second wimpy torch. Apparently two wimpy torches are better than one, and that did the trick! This thing is five layers deep and took me days to make. Of course, it wouldn’t have taken me nearly as long had I had two wimpy torches at the beginning. Also, I think it would be easier in all sterling. Believe it or not, copper is much harder to solder successfully. I’m SO proud of myself for finishing this! *grin* This is the most difficult and challenging piece I’ve ever made. *BIG GRIN* I have visions of doing a line of flowers, but I chose the magnolia as the first one since it is part of our logo and all.

And guess what! After stewing over it for a couple of months, I decided to just stick with my laptop for now (and hope it doesn’t crash too). Soooo, my Canon 400D (Rebel XTi) with a lot of fun accessories is on its way! What kind of accessories can you get for a camera, you ask? Well, umm, I got a remote control. A freaking remote control for a camera. Imagine that! I’m so excited!

I finally read the results of the poll I made a couple weeks ago about our jewelry prices. It looks like most of you think they’re priced right. However, one of you thinks it is priced too high! I apologize, but I had a pretty hard giggle at that. Our prices are lower than most, ya know. I have no idea who voted for that option, but whoever you are, if only you knew how much time and money goes into making jewelry and running a design business, I think you might change your vote. It’s not as easy as it looks. But then again, I don’t think it looks easy either. At least not that magnolia pendant. I dare you to tell me it looks easy and should be priced really low! *giggle*

Anyway, thanks for voting and reaffirming what we were feeling about our business. *grin*

My husband and I found out late this summer that we cannot have children. Until yesterday, it was sort of semi-private information. My parents have known for a while, but other than that and telling a very few close friends, not many others knew. I think I sort of let it slip once online, but that’s it. This is one big reason why I have backed off with my blogging somewhat. It’s a huge part of what is on my mind, and I was afraid of saying too much too soon.

Until yesterday, my husband’s family didn’t even know. I was waiting for him to be ready to tell them, since they’re his family and all. It took him a lot longer to process this than it did me, since after two years of infertility, I had already begun to prepare myself for this possibility. Anyway, I didn’t want to really talk about it too much until all the close family members knew. That’s not really knowledge you want to get around to them in a round about way, you know? Plus, they live very far away and this is difficult information to share over the phone. Unfortunately, we’re not sure when we will be able to visit them. (I’m skeered of flying, you know!)

But yesterday he told them, and now it’s out in the open and we’re ready to share that we’re very, very close to starting the adoption process. We have been considering a lot of options over the past few months and so far, the ones that seem most attractive to us are a local foster to adopt program through Lutheran Services (yes, we’re one of those horrible couples that want an infant for our first child and they SAY they have many infants adopted through that program, so we’ll see), a program through an agency in our state that adopts African American multi-ethnic babies (sadly, not many people want them, and I simply do.not.get.that.), and an international adoption from S. Korea. My husband spent a year there while he was in the military and is familiar with their culture and would love to go back and visit someday. He says they have really good food and you have not lived until you have eaten their spicy bulgoki and yakimandu. *giggle*

This has, without a doubt, been the most frustrating and hardest year of my life. Never before have I experienced so much heartache and pain. Infertility is hard enough, but finding out that the infertility is permanent is not something that is easily accepted. I feel like a very vital part of my being has been ripped from me… that a part of the reason I exist has died. I’ve been accused of being bitter and angry, and I freely admit that heck YES I am angry and bitter. But at least I am humble enough to realize that those are very valid emotions, and I accept them and continue to work through them. I don’t know anyone that is strong enough or holy enough to go through what we’ve been through and still be able to keep their happiness and joy 24/7. Being a Christian does not exclude me from feeling real emotions. I’m okay with that, and I thank God He is too. All the accusers can think badly of me if they want – their opinions simply do not matter to me. Or to God. I’m so glad my God is a God of grace and patience. Have you met Him? *grin*

So, anyway. There you have it. If you don’t know the reason why, that’s because we haven’t told you and probably never will, so please do not ask. Feel free, however, to ask about our new journey as we begin it. I’m sure it will be long and frustrating, terrifying and wonderful (not to mention one of the most expensive commitments we will have ever made) and I know I’ll need a lot of support during that time. I’ve found some amazing people that have been there, done that, who will hopefully prove to be a rich source of information for us.

It’s hard. It sucks. It’s something no one can fully prepare for. But it’s ours and as such, we have begun to learn to accept it. We are surviving, and our marriage is strong (for which we are extremely thankful since many do not make it through this kind of hardship). We are ready to move on to the next phase in our lives. I’m hopeful that by this time next year we might just be parents, or at least close to it. Who cares that the child will not come from my womb?

I’m okay with that, and I will still be just as much of a mother as anyone else. Without a doubt, whatever child we adopt will know that he or she was much wanted and loved for years before it was even born. Sounds nice a nice way to enter the world, doesn’t it? *grin*

A few people (including my IT husband) have told me that my blog gives them issues – freezing, loading really slowly, crashing their computer, etc. – and I can’t figure out why. I haven’t had any of those things happen to me on either of my computers. However, I took out a bunch of stuff from my sidebar that I either no longer need or were bad links and I’m hoping that helps.

If you’ve ever had trouble with my blog and are reading now, can you let me know if this is an improvement for you? I’ve been wanting to redesign the template because I’m getting tired of it, but I simply have not had time lately. So if it’s the template, it will be a bit longer before that will be fixed.

Also, if you are subscribed to our 2 Belles & a Bead newsletter, can you let me know if you have NOT been receiving it? We have sent out three now – issues for Sep, Oct, and Nov. I know it has been going to some people’s junk mail filters. If you are subscribed and are not receiving it, please check your junk mail folders and consider adding orders@2bellesandabead.com to your “safe” list or “contact” list or whatever it is your email server has. Also, it seems that with every newsletter I send, a few don’t make it out, and I’m not sure why. I guess it is the program that sends it. I’m trying to get it worked out, but please let me know if you’re not getting them.

In other news…

Here are some of the things I have been working on lately, in preparation for our party and show. You can click on all the pictures to enlarge them. Enjoy!

Sterling silver byzantine chain maille weave bracelet. 240 hand cut and woven rings went into this:

This pair of earrings is made with hand forged sterling silver teardrops with a hand sawed and soldered copper heart (with sterling center). I love these!! I think I’m going to give the flower some texture and give it a light patina. I also plan to make them in all sterling soon:

Hammered sterling discs:

Over 100 hand cut and woven rings went into this Japanese flower weave necklace:

A few of you were wondering how my art swap gift was going to be made into jewelry. Well, here is one piece I made from one of the weave links sent to me. I have enough of it left over to make some kind of earrings, but they will have different stones. This bracelet has muscovite – they are a BEAUTIFUL color. After taking these links apart, I discovered that this is a pretty simple weave, so I will be making it for sure!

And finally, some earrings made with rectangles that were hand cut from copper and sterling sheet and given two different textures. I love these too! I have some sterling rectangles I cut that are going to be made into all sterling earrings and a very very large sterling circle that was given a really cool texture and will be a pendant, but those are not yet photographed.

I hereby nominate myself to receive the Almost Darwin Award of the year. Why, you ask? Well, perhaps I should start from the beginning…

As you probably already know, we are doing a mini remodel of our hall bathroom. We my husband and dad replaced the faucet, lighting, and toilet paper holder. Prior to this, we had some yucky looking cheap shiny stuff. Now we have brushed nickel everything. I painted the walls a lavender/gray and the trim a light cream. For some reason, every single freaking doorknob in this house is the shiny fake brass stuff. Have I mentioned before how much I HATE shiny fake brass household items? It is so not my style. I had the brilliant idea of changing them out one by one to match the brushed nickel things we have been installing over the past year. I decided that the bathroom was the perfect place to start, given its recent changes and the fact that the fake shiny brass one had not yet been put back on the door from when I painted it a few days ago.

Soo, off to Lowe’s I go over the weekend to buy a lovely new doorknob. They are cheap, so I bought two – one for the bathroom and one for the linen closet across from the bathroom. My husband was sick all weekend and not up to helping me change it, and I decided on Monday that I would try to do it myself. I removed the fake shiny brass one, how hard could it be to put on a new brushed nickel one? HAH!

I had just finished scrubbing the front door outside, and I was overheated and in desperate need of a shower. So I headed towards the master bathroom. On the way, I saw that lovely new doorknob and it was just calling my name. “Cryyyyystal… CRYYYYSTAL!! You can install me yourself, you know!” I figured, well, now is as good a time as any, right? After all, it will only take a few minutes, and then I’ll hop in the shower. Why my conscience didn’t stop me from making this huge mistake, I will never know. I think my woman’s intuition must have been thrown out with the ugly fake shiny brass stuff. Or perhaps I was born intuition-less. Either way, this lack of judgment has proven that I have somehow gone from graduating valedictorian of my high school class to the stupidest person still alive on the planet. I used to be smart. I promise. Does chocolate kill brain cells? Maybe I just ate too much.

I know what you’re thinking: she must be overreacting. Why is it such a big deal to not be able to change a doorknob? Who cares? That’s what men are for, right? Oh, but see, my story isn’t even close to being finished yet…

I opened up the doorknob package and began to carefully study the instructions. I prided myself on opening the packaging with such care as to not rip it, and the fact that *I*, a woman, was going to actually read and follow the instructions, much unlike a man. I was going to install the strike plate first, but decided to do the knob instead. So I stuck the innards of it in the hole in the door. You know, the part with the piece that moves in and out – the piece that catches in the strike plate and causes the door to latch shut? I put that piece in first and was getting ready to put on the actual knobs when I had a stroke of genius. I figured that before I got too committed I ought to make sure it was going to line up correctly with the strike plate hole, so I pushed the door up against the door jamb. Ok, great, it looks like it will line up just fine. But did that satisfy me? Heck no, I wanted this thing done RIGHT. I had to be sure. Push. Click. The door was closed. Whew. It will work perfectly. Oh happy day!

I believe I failed to mention that at the point in which I “tested” the inner workings of this lovely new doorknob, I was actually in the bathroom. Remember, the actual knobs had not been put on at this time… just the innards. The part that causes the door to latch. Well, folks, the door latched and it latched WELL. It figures that the drunk aliens who designed and built my home actually did something right for a change (and just so my new readers know, that is not a racial comment. At least not a human racial comment. By “aliens” I mean the little green men that come from Mars… humans did not design my home.). I was trapped. In the bathroom. A teeny, tiny, windowless, claustrophobia-inducing bathroom. Without my cellphone. Hours from when my husband would come home from work. Hot. Sweaty. Hungry. Thirsty. Naked. Oh yes, did I fail to mention that part? I was buck freaking naked… on the way to take a shower, remember?

Bloggy friends, I panicked. Big time. I’m a phobic, you know, and claustrophobia is definitely one I experience. Can’t breathe. Gonna puke. Tiny bathroom. No phone. No window. NO CLOTHES. *screams* – “NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” Oh boy, did I scream. Like a person trapped in a car about to fall off the edge of a cliff and burst into flames, did I scream. Like a germaphobic nerd about to get a swirly. And cried. Oh, did I cry. Cried and screamed and panicked. I was going to die in there, you know. My husband was going to come home a few hours later and find my lifeless, naked body trapped inside that coffin of a doorknobless room. And if I didn’t die, I would at the very least lose whatever smidgen of sanity I had remaining. These thoughts ran through my head over and over, along with many others, such as:

*I wonder if I scream loud enough, will the neighbors hear and call 911? Then the cops could find my lifeless, naked body trapped in the bathroom.
*Is the bathroom just big enough for me to back up and ram into the door hard enough to break it without breaking me?
*Oh for pete’s sake, I’m NAKED.
*There is NO chocolate in here!!

I was just about to sit my naked butt down on the cold, bare floor and resign myself to my fate when I glanced at the vanity and saw the key. No, not the key, but the key… channel lock pliers left here from when the men changed out the faucet. Oh, oh, oh! Surely the combination of my adrenaline fight-or-flight response and the heftiness of these pliers could help me out somehow, right? I determined that I would either rip apart and destroy the doorknob innnards enough to be able to open the door again, or I would start hacking away at the wall. I mean, yeah, we’d have a huge hole in the wall… but I would be free! And then later, we could, you know, buy a mini counter top and install a bar under the hole. What bathroom couldn’t use a bar?

Luckily with a few really good tugs, I was able to perform doorknob surgery and mutilate its innards and walk out of the claustrophobia inducing bathroom into freedom. I was then naked and free! What a shame we won’t get that bathroom bar though…

There are a lot of lessons to be learned here, bloggy friends.

One - I am obviously NOT made to do home renovations. At all. I will never attempt to do house stuff involving tools and doorknobs again. From here on out, I will commit my creative and handiwork skills solely to making beautiful jewelry. I’ll leave the house junk to my husband and dad. Let THEM get locked in the bathroom naked. I mean, who does that?!

Two - never attempt bathroom renovations without a phone and chocolate in hand.

Three - never change a doorknob naked.

Four - never test a doorknob naked.

Five - never, ever, EVER call your husband afterwards and tell him your story so he can laugh his butt off at you.

Lovely new doorknob: $8.75
Pair of channel lock pliers: $20
Can of paint to fix the gouge in the door: $28
Funny story to tell your coworkers about your hot, naked wife locking herself in a tiny bathroom and ripping apart the doorknob innards to regain her sanity and freedom only to realize after the fact that the actual doorknob was probably laying on the sink the entire time and could have been used to open it like a, you know, sane person: priceless

I almost died, people! So the Almost Darwin Award of the year goes to… *drum roll*… *sigh*… me.

But I really don’t want to. Bloggy friends, this boring bloggy belle needs your help! Our party is two weeks away, and our guests are expecting food, fun, and fabulous jewelry. We have the food and fab jewelry down, but the fun? We’re kind of at a loss. Help! A few people are coming just because it “sounds fun”. AAHHH!!!

I know some of you are really good at parties and fun stuff, so give me some suggestions, people. *grin* Or else we may resort to playing pin the diamond on the ring. And that’s just scary… very, very scary. I want our guests to actually like us, you know.

Apple Bread

Ingredients:

3 cups flour
2 cups sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
1 1/4 cups oil
2 apples, chopped
1 tsp salt
1 cup chopped nuts (optional)
1 tsp baking soda

Directions:
Preheat oven to 300 degrees.

In a large bowl, mix together all ingredients until well blended. Pour batter into 2 greased loaf pans. Bake for about 1 hour.

It’s reeeeally yummy!

“Hope is for the people who have not yet found grace.”

This is the quote I left you to ponder on a few weeks ago. I’ve put a lot of thought into it since then. I’m not quite sure why, but it really wiggled itself into my brain and embedded itself there. It’s one of those things that can be looked at from many different angles, and here are my many thoughts on it at present.

Hope, according to dictionary.com, means, “the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best”. To me, hope is the thing that drives us forward, pushing us on in life. Without hope, why would we keep on running? Without hope, how could we keep moving forward even when things are difficult? If not for hope, wouldn’t we just give up? Whether it is hope in God or hope that we’ll get that promotion, or hope that our loved one battling an illness will get the needed cure… hope is what keeps us looking to that goal. When the hope is gone, so is the drive and the vision.

The past year has been, for me, hell on earth. I’ve lost so much. I’ve been broken so many times. I feel as though what thin shreds of hope I had and was hanging on to with my little fingers have been snapped and forcefully yanked from my existence. I’ve experienced death in ways I had not yet experienced. Not only in the death of a dear loved one, but also in the death of a dream. With these deaths I feel as though I’ve experienced yet another death… and that is of whatever hope and innocence I had left. There’s nothing like watching someone you love gasp her last breaths to hit you upside the head with real life. It’s hard to believe the world is an alright place after that. And after having to die to a dream, it’s impossible to keep your naivety.

Almost two years ago, I wrote about what I thought was a loss of something dear to me. It’s so hard for me now to read that and see just how naive to the world I was. Are you kidding me? I cried over a house? A house? Two years can really change a person. I’ve grown so much since then and so much has changed. In some ways, good and in other ways, bad. Either way, I’m not the same person at all. Dreams have died, people have died, hope has died, and along with them some of me has died. I’d like to think that part of that death is not only my naivety but also some of my insensitivity and some of my immaturity. I look at things differently now. I don’t debate until I’m blue in the face anymore. I try to walk a mile in someone’s shoes instead of just speaking to them in Christianese.

I’d like to say that my faith has grown, but in reality some of it has died too. Not all of it. There’s still plenty to keep me going on, but it’s not the same. I don’t look at the church the same, nor do I look at God in the same way. I’ve been hit with the harsh reality that His knowledge and sovereignty far surpass my dreams and desires and hope. Even when you know His way is best, sometimes it still hurts.

In many ways, hope to me has become a pain in the neck. I’ve been saying for the past year that the higher your hopes, the more they hurt when they come crashing down on you. It seems like it would be easier to not hope at all. But without hope, we would cease to move. Or at least *I* would cease to move. And unless we’re moving, we won’t reach our destination. What is that destination, you ask? For me and I’m sure for many of you as well, it has always been grace. Just as I see hope as the thing that drives us forward, I see grace as the thing we’re moving towards. The resting place where we can hang our hats and find something else we hope for – peace. I believe it is impossible to find peace if you’re not in grace (“grace” here meaning God’s freely given grace and favor). So I guess this is why that quote hit me so deeply. I’ve been hoping and hoping and not finding what I want… but what I want apparently isn’t what I need. My hope was misplaced, and has been dying a slow and painful death. What is left is me, bare and broken, on this road supposedly moving towards my destination via a very painful detour.

His grace is sufficient, but I’ve been so caught up in hope that I’ve failed to rest in that fact. If I can just find that grace and rest in it, the little-left hope, which can be wishy-washy and uncertain, will turn into something much more steadfast. Faith. While hope is just that… hope… “I hope for such and such”, I see faith as a firm belief. You don’t just hope for it to be, you know it will. And if I’m in grace, my will aligned with His, then my faith will be true and aimed where it should. Not where I might want it to be, but where He wants it to be… and I’ll know that even though this world is harsh and kills my hopes and dreams… my faith will never fail me because it is in Him.

The hope drives me towards grace. In that grace I can rest and find peace in the One who never fails me. Realizing this and standing on it is faith. So for me (and the Prison Break dude, perhaps) hope is for the people who have not yet found grace… because once you find His grace, it’s all you really need.

The baking season, that is! One reason I adore fall is because that’s when I start pulling out the pumpkins and apples and cocoa and start making all sorts of baked yummies. Pumpkin bread and apple bread are two huge favorites in my house (well, favorites of *mine*, anyway. Dustin doesn’t seem to care for bread unless it has some sort of cheese melted on it. *grin* And have you ever tried to melt cheese on pumpkin bread? I haven’t, but it doesn’t sound all that great.). Then of course, there are cookies and brownies.

It’s time to start baking (even though it really has NOT cooled off here yet. Sickening, I know.) and I need your help. I’m fresh out of ideas and recipes to try. Tonight I made brownies (from a box…) and they were pretty good. They were organic and whole grain made with evaporated cane juice instead of high-fructose-corn-nasties. They were good, but not the best. I have a container of super dark cocoa powder that is begging to be made into the perfect brownie recipe, and I know you must have it.

I am also in need of some cookie recipes. We will be baking cookies for our upcoming party.

If anyone is interested, I’ll share my two bread recipes. I’d just do it now, but they’re on the desktop’s drive (which has now been converted into an external drive since the desktop went kaput and has not yet been replaced…) and I’m not currently hooked up to it.

So hit me with your best recipe!