Archive for June, 2007
… it’s a hot and humid, very very windy day. My hair is up in a ponytail, but the wind and humidity have pretty much ruined any form of neatness it may have had. My cheeks are flushed from the heat, and I’m dressed in athletic shorts, a t-shirt, and old flip flops.
I went out to do two simple things: return a couple rental movies, and drop something off at my parents’ house. While at their house, I remember I need to go to Lowe’s to get some paint cards and bug killer and I also realize that I need to buy a wedding gift for my cousin, to send along with my parents tomorrow when they go out of state.
So, I go by Lowe’s and head over to Bed, Bath, & Beyond where my cousin and his fiance are registered. When I get nervous, I get fidgety with my hands and have to keep them busy playing with something, like a hair band or a clean tissue or… my keys while I’m driving. Now, this is not normally a problem, but it just so happens that a very sweet and thoughtful person gave me a cute, little miniature pen on a hook thing and I hooked it onto my key chain. The traffic is making me anxious, so I nervously play with my keys hanging from the ignition.
Apparently in playing with the keys, I turn the pen on (you twist it) and when I arrive at the store and get out, what do I see? Due to the force of the car moving, the pen had written all over my leg, under my knee! Not just a few strokes either… A LOT. I roll my eyes at myself and go inside.
As I walk in, there is a girl probably a few years younger than me dressed very nicely with perfect hair walking out. She looks at my flushed face surrounded by my messy hair, then looks down at my leg and back up at my face again with a look that is saying, “WHY did they let this person out of her padded cell?!” Now, a few years ago I probably would have been MORTIFIED at this, but today I think it is absolutely hilarious.
I go to the bathroom to wash it off, buy the gift, and drive home. I get out of the car, look down, and I had done it again.
Why DID they let this person out of her padded cell?? *giggle*
I am underweight.
I am not bulimic. I am not anorexic. I never have been and never will be. I am probably one of the worst emetophobics in the history of emetophobia, and cannot even fathom the idea of making myself throw up. I realize I am underweight and need to gain 15-20 lbs at least. I WANT to gain weight.
I wear a size 0. It’s hard to find nice clothes in a size 0. I can’t wear kids clothes because they are not made for people with curves. I am a curvy, underweight size 0.
I am healthy. I am not malnourished. My cholesterol, blood sugar, electrolytes, iron, kidneys, and liver are all perfect.
Now that you know all this about me, it’s time you know some other things.
Don’t give in to the weight double standard. If it’s not okay to say nasty things to and about fat people (and it’s NOT) then it’s not okay to say nasty things to and about skinny people. Unless you’re a doctor or other medical professional that has valuable and important information, just zip it when it comes to a person’s weight. If you’re proud of your overweightness, that’s fine. I’m not stupid enough to assume that just because you’re overweight that means you’re unhealthy and lack self control. Can’t you pay me the same respect?
I am not a skeleton, nor do I look like one. I’d appreciate it if you don’t refer to skinny people as “skeletons” or “aliens” or “bobble heads” or “broomsticks” or “twigs” or “looking half dead” or “disgusting” just to make yourself feel better. Or any other reason, for that matter. I thought the whole name calling thing died out in junior high. I guess some people never grow up.
Do not call people of bigger sizes “real women” just because they are not underweight. Last time I checked, I had all the parts necessary to qualify as a “real woman”. All natural born women are real women… size has nothing to do with it.
Do not accuse me or any other skinny person of having an eating disorder. You have no idea what is or is not in a person’s head. Why assume? It’s rude.
Do not tell me or anyone else to “go eat a ***insert expletive of your choice here*** sandwich, for pete’s sake”, or say “”Why doesn’t someone get them some donuts??” (I’ll take a chocolate cake Krispy Kreme, if anyone’s buying.)
Do not say superficial crap like, “oh she was so pretty before she lost weight” or “guys only like REAL women with meat on their bones, not those skinny bobble heads” or “that is sooo unattractive”. Gee, thanks. Thank goodness I left my cares about what others think about me back in high school. I guess some people do grow up.
Look. I don’t say nasty things about people who are overweight. I don’t call them names. I don’t mention what they should and should not eat. I don’t accuse them of having eating disorders (and yes, overweight people can have them too). I don’t say superficial crap about their looks. I don’t make fun. Is it too freaking much to expect the same thing in return?
Yeah, I thought so.
So, I’m only two days late!!
It figures that his week Christine would choose to talk about supporting him in his work. I’m wondering if she has a hidden camera stuck somewhere in my home that she’s used to get me this week. *giggle* Some of you know that my husband has been working out of town for the past three weeks. I’ve seen him all of a few hours in that time period, and he hasn’t had a day off at all since then. Needless to say, I’m quite upset (as is he). Thankfully it should be over soon and he’ll come home tomorrow.
But, I certainly haven’t been the joyous wife I should have been during the time. I haven’t been mean to him, it’s definitely not his fault. But I have let it get to me, big time, and I have been pushy and naggy into trying to get him to resolve the issues in the ways I think he should resolve them. It’s sooo hard to not give input when something seems so straightforward to you, even if it’s not really that straightforward in reality.
I adore my husband’s strong work ethic and dedication to his company. That’s a character trait I’ve never had and probably never will. I don’t like working for people, I don’t like strict schedules, and I don’t do well mentally, emotionally or physically working outside of my home (hence the jewelry business). However, he seems to thrive in a workplace. His job has been (mostly) a blessing but lately it has proven to be somewhat of a curse as well. But instead of trying to get him to fix it MY way, maybe I should just shut up and pray for him to fix it God’s way. Ick. I don’t like letting go. Can we say control freak? ;o)
I’ve done alright for my goals last week. I was successful in getting the house sparkling clean by the time he was originally supposed to come home. And now I’ve been successful in letting it get cluttery again! *sigh* Does part of the Honor Your Husband Challenge include a maid service? ;o) I’ve definitely done well with taking care of me, or at least better anyway. As for the reading and praying, I started to but have not been regular with it yet.
So goals for this week are the same as last I suppose.
Can I just say that I hate food? Ok, I don’t really hate food, I just hate having to stuff myself with it until I’m miserable. HATE.IT. I’ve now upped my consumption of “nutritional drinks” to two a day, earning me 700 liquid calories. I’m used to the taste now and can almost chug them, which is weird considering I never chug anything. I am not a chugger. Chug not I do.
I decided I should eat more pasta since it’s, well, yummy and also high in calories. I had a weird craving hit me at the store one day and bought a container of Easy Mac. Yes, folks, I bought Easy Mac. Can you believe that? I don’t eat stuff like that, ever. I usually only eat one of three kinds of pasta… whole wheat penne or couscous, plain medium egg noodles, or Annie’s whole wheat organic mac & cheese (which is rare). So what possessed me to buy Easy Mac, you ask? Well, the blue box mac & cheese just sounded good, and I’ve been home alone for about three weeks now and there’s no way I can eat a box of mac & cheese all by my lonesome… stuffing myself or not. And let’s face it, left over blue box mac & cheese just isn’t good. “It’s the Cheesiest!” turns into “It’s the Clumpiest and Nastiest!” So I see the little container of lone serving Easy Mac and think to myself, “Self, don’t do it!” but I did not listen. I brought it home and it sat on my kitchen table for a couple of weeks. Two days ago I decided that it sounded like it might be a decent lunch so I cooked it.
If you’ve ever made Easy Mac, you know that the directions say 1.) to ignore the white powder because it’s necessary for the pasta to cook correctly, and 2.) don’t drain the water after cooking; it’s needed for the “cheese” sauce. Now, I’m not usually in the habit of ignoring random unknown white powders in things, but I figured that Kraft wants my repeat business so they’re not going to poison me. At least not too badly anyway. So I ignored the white powder. As for the water issue… I was obedient and fully intended on leaving it in the container. However, the directions made no mention of the fact that the pasta drains itself. I’m not kidding. Apparently the pasta got nasty with the water, and the water jumped ship and decided to decorate my microwave. My pasta was dry. I poured in the “cheese” stuff packet, and it did not make sauce. It made “cheese” stuff clumps. I sighed and micro-boiled a mug of water and poured some in. It made a somewhat saucy somewhat clumpy “cheese” stuff mess.
It sort of tasted like mac & cheese, but Annie’s is so much better. Now tell me, how is this process any more convenient than opening a box and cooking on the stove? I had to micro-boil a mug of water anyway since my needed water obviously did not read the directions on the container. I feel like I had reached the epitome of laziness. “Oh hey, look at me, I’m too lazy to cook from A BOX!” (I realize that these things are pretty much marketed to kids to cook, safely, after school or something… so please don’t shoot me! I’m not insinuating your Easy Mac eating children are lazy. I, however, am… Easy Mac or no.) ;o) I still can’t believe I ate micro-cooked bleached white noodles covered in “cheese” stuff. With some kind of freaky white powder mixed in. I’m telling you… this eating a lot of calories thing? It’s highly over-rated.
I’m a horrible painter. So horrible that when I painted my house, I got “oopses” all over the ceilings. My lines are not clean. Sue me! I figured I would get a can of paint and touch it up. The whole ceilings don’t need to be painted, just my mess ups. No big deal, right? You can’t mess up white paint, right? HAH! I went to Lowe’s this week and bought a can of plain white paint. I decided before I start painting all over the ceiling, I better test it to make sure it’s the right color. So I tested it in a small part of a wall in my office. Now, my office is supposed to be painted buttery-yellow and rich red, but I have not done it yet even though I bought the paint a year ago. It’s still plain old white with one very big
blood splatter paint test spot. My dog used to growl at it. It looks that dangerous. Anyway, a few hours later I realize that apparently white is not white. My test area does NOT match. Huh? Now tell me how I’m supposed to match the “white” on my ceiling. It’s not like I can just cut a huge chunk out, lug it down to Lowe’s and say, “Hey! Match this, will ya?” I’m NOT painting the whole ceilings. So I see two options. One, leave the “oopses” and declare it “modern art” and two, hire a painter to paint all the ceilings in the entire house (plus my office… because if I’m hiring a painter, I aint playin’).
Anyone need a mostly unused can of paint that could quite possibly be the beginning of the next unsolvable, universe altering question… “What, really, is white?”
Now I’m sure you’re wondering what the sam hill this crazy looking contraption could be and what the yahoo it has to do with “shiny”?! It is a professional grade rock tumbler and its job is to make things shiny! My wonderful parents (Momma Belle and her Hubby-Beau) gave this to me for my birthday last week. It was the perfect gift… just what I wanted! (Of course, I only dropped about 100 hints in the past few months…)
So what does it do, you ask? Well, it can obviously tumble gemstones, but I don’t use it for that. I use it to polish and burnish the metal pieces in my jewelry. Lemme tell you, it gives sterling silver a professional show-room shine! I couldn’t believe it when I first saw the results. I’m obviously in love, here. I’m in love with a rock tumbler. Shhhh… don’t tell my Hubby-Beau, k?
Anyway, onto the real shiny stuff. I wish I had a better camera so you could see for yourself the lovely shine my new toy leaves!
Jane’s Hope Breast Cancer Awareness Ribbon Earrings**:
Sterling Swirly Toe Ring:
Parallel Chain Maille Earrings:
Euro 4-in-1 Chain Maille Earrings:
Copper & Carnelian Ring:
If you likey, please visit our jewelry website where we have hundreds of shiny items for your inner Belle!
I guess I forgot to mention on here last week that the lab report on my mole came back negative. I’m sure all of you were just bursting at the seams, waiting for that information! ;o)
When the doctor walked in with the report I said, “So am I dying of cancer?” and he replied, “Well, not today. But I can’t make any promises about tomorrow.” Then he read the long drawn-out medical mumbo-jumbo report that went on and on and on, none of which I could understand (except for “non-malignant” – THAT I understood!) and then looked up and said, “So it’s basically a mole. Or a freckle, rather.”
The mole hole is finally healing up nicely. The stitches came out last Friday. It’s still sore though. In case you’re in the mood to get a gross visual, part of the scab came off today (and no, I didn’t pick it off – though I must admit it was very tempting! It’s itchy and was driving me nuts!). It feels tight, like my skin is stretching. Well, duh, I guess it is stretching since they cut only, you know, a whole inch off of my already tight belly skin. I wonder if it will get all extra funky looking if I ever get pregnant.
Oh well. At least I’m not dying.
Do you ever have days where you’re disgusted with yourself? Yeah, that’s me
today this week. All these things I’ve been going through, all my “defining moments”, have really made me take a step back and peek into the depths of myself and closely look at what’s inside.
I’m not going into specifics because I don’t want people yelling at me or people coddling me, and I’m sure both would happen. I don’t like what I see. I don’t like who I am and what I’ve become. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.
This is the song that’s going through my head today.
“Outside” by Staind:
Since I’m trying to gain weight, I’ve been forced to mostly give up plain water. *cries* Since I cut out coke (that’s all soda, for those of you who don’t live in the south), I’ve come to love me some plain water or some lemon flavored non-sweetened sparkling water (La Croix is one brand). Unfortunately, God decided that water doesn’t need calories. I think God and I need to have a little talk about that one. Anyway, I’ve been trying to down some other beverages (NOT coke) that have calories, or else it’s wasted space in my teeny tiny belly.
There’s sweet tea of course, and then sometimes I’ll drink juice. I’m not a huge juice fan, but there are a couple I like. One I’ve come to like is V8’s V-Fusion. It’s a mix of 100% fruits and veggies. Now, I’ve always liked carrot juice. Momma Belle used to make it fresh and it’s deeee-lish with an apple thrown in.
So last week Momma Belle and I ran to the grocery store while we were out doing some other stuff. I wanted some juice, and I happened to see that Juicy Juice now has some 100% fruit and veggie juice mixes. I thought to myself, “Self? Try it.” No angelic choir was present this time… I should have known right then that it was a mistake. Why buy something new when the thing I know I already like is right there and only two cents more? Two cents, people. TWO CENTS. But yeah, I’m that cheap and I bought it. Orange Mango or something like that.
I stuck it in my fridge, unopened, and forgot about it until today when I walked into the kitchen about to drink another sugar-loaded “nutritional” drink (“nutritional” in whose eyes, exactly??) when I remembered this juice. I got all happy and opened it. I poured a glass full and sniffed it. “Hmm… that smells weird. Almost like rotting fruit.” I figured, what the hey? It must be one of those bizarre freaks of nature that smells weird but tastes good. I sniff it again. “Ummm, yeah, this smells not that great.” I shrug and give it a big gulp. Lemme tell you, it tastes just like it smells. Rotting fruit. Nasty as all yahoo! I promptly ran to the kitchen and poured the rest of the glass down the sink, and the remainder in the fridge? Yeah, I’m crossing my fingers at it like it’s about to try and suck my blood.
Remember, I like carrot juice, so that’s not it. I thought I liked mangoes too, so I don’t think that’s it either. I think Juicy Juice just decided to take their less than appealing left overs (bruises, mold, and all) and is throwing them into a blender, declaring it a healthy surprise for your kids. Don’t buy it! It’s tasty, people. Really nasty. It seriously tastes like you would imagine rotting fruit tastes. And if you’ve been unwittingly feeding it to your children? Please stop. They might get nightmares (I know I will)!
So, to recap:
V8 V-Fusion? Gooood. I’ll be buying it again.
Juicy Juice Harvest Surprise? Nasty! Stay away!
That is, of course, unless you like the taste of rotting fruit. Then more power to you. Long live the moles.
So it has been a while since I have participated in Marriage Monday, though I promise I still love my husband. *giggle* I sort of went no-meme for a while as I dealt with some things both physically and mentally and didn’t feel like posting much. But I hopped over to Fruit in Season over the weekend and saw that Christine is hosting this new challenge that starts this week and as I heard an angelic choir from the heavens singing the Hallelujah Chorus, I thought to myself, “Self? Do It.” (Yes, I talk to myself. No, I don’t hear angelic choirs… but it would be cool, no?!)
Christine has said that we should give ourselves a list of goals each week to accomplish. Now, I’m *not* a goal-oriented person, so this might be hard… but I will try! Here are my goals for this upcoming week:
* Find and pull out my copy of The Power of a Praying Wife and start reading it again and praying for my husband daily again. I pray for him almost daily, but mostly prayers of protection. He needs more. I need more. This is a good goal. (Feel free to pray that I meet it! Do they have a Power of a Praying Bloggy Friend?)
* Have the house decent looking when he comes home from his very long business trip this week.
* Work hard on myself. This might seem like a selfish goal, but it’s not. I already take really good care of him, but not so much myself. He really appreciates it when I try my best to make sure I eat enough daily and take care of me.
So those are my goals. They won’t be all that easy for me, but hopefully I’ll be able to accomplish them.
Do you want to join the 30-Day Honor Your Husband Challenge? If so, pop on over to Fruit in Season and say hi to Christine. If you haven’t yet “met” her, just tell yourself, “Self? Do it.” (And make sure to listen for that Hallelujah Chorus…)
How did you start blogging?
I just decided one day that I liked to write and I should write, and I enjoyed reading other peoples’ writings on their blogs… so… here we are. I really don’t remember what exactly possessed me the day I started it. I know we were in the middle of house hunting for our first house, and I was stressed and crazy (oh wait, I’m always stressed and crazy) so maybe that had something to do with it.
Did you intend to be a blog w/a big following? If so, how did you go about it?
Well no, and I obviously have not become a blog with a big following. But I do have some regulars and I love you all! You make me want to keep plugging along, even when I don’t feel like it. :o)
What do you hope to achieve or accomplish with your blog? Have you been successful? If not, do you have a plan to achieve those goals?
I’ve talked about why I blog here. Have I been successful? Sometimes. I don’t really have a plan. I’m not much of a planner.
Has the focus of your blog changed since you started blogging? How?
Yeah, I’d say so. In the beginning, I was focused on writing serious well written posts all the time. But that’s just not me 24/7. If you know me for real, you know I’m goofy and weird and sometimes spunky. Plus, I got bored with not having enough serious things to write about. So I decided to join a few light-hearted memes and have met some great people through that, and I am really glad I did. Now I just write about whatever comes to mind, whether it be earth shattering and deeply theological thoughts or about… things… coming out of my bleed-me-dry mole hole and big ugly spiders traipsing about my house with bumpy baby butts. You get a little bit of everything with me, I guess.
What do you know now that you wish you’d known when you started?
That people love comments and always appreciate them! I would have left more comments on fellow bloggers’ posts. I mean, they just make you feel good and all loved up! ;o)
Do you make money with your blog?
Well now, that’s all up to you and whether or not you buy my jewelry that I neeeeever talk about on here. ;oP
Does your immediate or extended family know about your blog? If so, do they read it? If not, why?
The ones I talk to regularly know about it. Most of them read it. My husband of course (a non-commenter! ;oP) and my parents (both non-commenters!!) and that’s all I know about because, well, no one tells me they read it. But who knows? Maybe more do. There’s always that possibility, and this is why I don’t share embarrassing stories of my insane family members. No, really. You know how every family has “one of those people”? Well, mine has about, oh, 10. *giggle* I don’t think any of my in-laws read it.
What two pieces of advice would you give to a new blogger?
For one, have fun doing it and be real. And two, get out there and make some bloggy friends! (Oh, and leave them some bloggy comments.) :o)
Go on, join the carnival. You know you want to. I mean, if you’re truly my followers and all…